Vengence is mine...

So I know it's been awhile since I posted. Actually, things have been rather calm on the SS front. He's not been around and he rarely calls, so he's almost an afterthought these days. Actually, I am apprently in nesting mode; though I am not pregnant, I want to be, so I think I am projecting the symptoms onto myself. :) Anyway, that combined with my hours of HGTV each day (since all my regular programs are in rerun mode) makes me not only clean and straighten, but also redecorate. So as I was ripping down a wallpaper border in the future baby room (what is at least for now going to be our guest room), I for the billionth time walked past Trevor's closed door.... which was decorated (loose term) with oodles of skater stickers of nasty skulls and brand names. Well, I was ready for something fresh - so I just ripped them all off the door, gave it a good scrub and a satisfying nod. I didn't even THINK to ask Andrew if it was okay. Then I worried that I had gone too far, that I had overstepped my boundaries. But he was totally okay with it.

That was last week, more recently I've got the idea in my head to turn SS's room into a guest room, to make room for our hypothetical baby that we will either give birth to or adopt in the current spare bedroom. Andrew's response: he's a bit more hesitant, but understands. I want Trevor to feel like he has a place in our home, but let's face it - he hasn't been around for over six months, and he's stayed overnight maybe 12 times in the last year and a half - so why are we keeping a room for him? Andrew even removed SS's toiletries from the bathroom last week, without any prompting from me. When I asked him why, he said, "I was tired of staring at it."

So it was Father's Day weekend, of course, and Trevor once again texted his dad saying he was hanging with his girlfriend this weekend and he "would come over really soon, like really soon, because I need to dad, I do." WHATEVER. Here's where the vengence part comes in.... The kid is irking me. He's hurting his dad over and over and over again and honestly, I want him to pay. I want him to feel the same pain. But when Trevor calls on D-Day, Andrew is all cool and kind and "what's up, dude?" Oh, I was riled. Why? Well, like I said, I want Trevor to pay, I want to protect my hubby, but also, I get to see all the turmoil, but all Trevor gets is sunshine and rainbows.... how will he know how much he is hurting his dad if his dad never voices it? But, I am trying to really think about what God would want me to feel. I explained to Andrew what I am feeling, that I'm not even sure I could define it, but that I wanted him to know where I am at. He again, awesome man that he is, understood. He wants Trevor to know he's loved. I want him to feel the pain. Hopefully we can find a balance...